Mafia Gazette Past Issue 65
The Mafia Gazette Issue 65 For All The News That Is News (E&OE) Tuesday 13th December 'BODYGUARD INJURED IN LATEST BANK HEIST ' Another heist was carried out just after seven o’clock this morning, with the Los Angeles bank being hit by a small gang of thieves. Shots were exchanged as the robbers made off with their haul and several bystanders were visibly shaken by the events. During this latest heist of the Los Angeles bank, one of the bodyguards of the robber was shot by the bank security. He suffered a superficial wound, but was later identified by the security guard as being Kebin Forester. Another witness also identified Forester, although it is unknown at this time who he works for. The bank have not yet released a statement as to how much money was stolen, however the robbers did make off with a “large amount” of cash taken from several of the deposit boxes held. This is the latest in a spate of robberies committed over the last week, although the emptying of city banks seems to have been an isolated incident. Following the Denver clean out, police finally released the name of their main suspect in the case. PinkMistress was named as their chief suspect, although by the time police tried to bring her in for questioning, it was too late. Her body was found after several hours of dragging the East River. Chief Medical Examiner Dr Crippin stated that she had been shot several times, weighted down and the body dumped. Police are still looking for anyone with any information on this latest robbery. Anyone with any information should contact their local police department or the Mafia Gazette. 'IMMIGRATION NIGHTMARE ' By: Albert-Neri The latest boats of Immigrants docked at the New York harbour yesterday afternoon at around 8PM. A colder-than-usual New York winter ensured a dark and snowy night greeted the new arrivals, most of Irish, Italian, Sicilian and Eastern European origin. Yet certain peculiarities have become the formula for such dockings in recent weeks. Harbour Official Tom Castella explained: “The Port Authority generally has supervision of these landings, working in tandem with the New York Police Department in joint operations as and when they receive timetables on other boat-loads coming in. Mafia and Mob related influence on these shipments has been an ongoing problem for some time now. Some of these new arrivals, mainly Sicilians, have been brought in very deliberately by Mob influenced Unions and the families themselves. Some are direct relatives of criminals already working here, spread out in operations all across the US. Others are simply young men who’ve made a name for themselves back home and working with a family here in the US is simply the promotion within a larger organisation. They can normally be picked out quite easily. Most immigrants end up in tenement housing blocks working for very little money as skilled labour. These are the ones who have no-one to meet them at the harbour. Most of the guys we are interested in come across as either stowaways or on passenger ships, dressed in suits and are met by their mob contacts in cars and pay-offs are exchanged. With corruption rife in the docking industry at present, its very hard to stop these arrivals and deport them.” The situation does not end there however, with Castella adding that probable numbers of Mob Entrants to the US has gone down “dramatically”. He went on to add: “Most of the guys that we pick up are petty criminals…Muggers, free lance drug dealers, people who don’t know or understand the established order of things. The number of these John Does not registered as US citizens who have been shot dead by the police of late has increased, while we don’t see where the Mob recruits are coming from. There seems to be a shortage of reliable New-Comers on the streets, indicating either a lack of reliable new recruits coming over from other countries or a lack of new intelligence on current Mob Families and their structure” Inside sources indicate however, that recruitment efforts among even established Cosa Nostra families have been stepped up significantly as this long Winter for Membership continues.” DISGRACEFUL BEHAVIOR NOTED AT FUNERALS By: Connie_Corleone While attending the funerals of friends and relatives recently, I came across an enterprising young person who possesses absolutely no respect for the dead. This young man was opening a business in a combined form of a banking and insurance. His plans are to provide a safe banking facility for people during their lifetime and insurance protecting any and all next of kin’s rights to the family funds. Now, this in itself is risky, but not terribly disrespectful. The lack of revealed itself as the young man moves slowly through the crowds at the wakes, funeral mass, and cemetery whispering into people’s ears concerning his business and the current deal going on. In addition to making a nuisance of himself during the different gatherings, he strolls around the cemetery leaving his business card on stones, stuffed into planted flowers, or taped to eternal flame stand. This will seem mild to you compared to what I am about to reveal. During the recent wake and church services for a handful of friends, I witnessed some of the most disrespectful behaviour that I had ever seen. On the either side and the back of the church, there were people randomly mugging the grieving population entering and taking part in the services. Along with this, several males gave out to whistling, heckling the good Father, and throwing things toward the altar and coffins. Cat calls rebounded and bounced around the inside arches and high ceilings. Even the Sicilian flag draped over the coffin was smeared with excrements and splashed with garbage. I’m not sure if this horrendous behaviour is a reflection on the parents who raised these outrageous individuals, but something must be done. Funerals, mass, and graveside internment prayers represent the final opportunities to see our friends and loved ones along with saying final words or good-byes. If you witness such behaviour or worse, step up and straighten things out. Without something being at least said, the degenerates will believe that such things are acceptable and situations have the potential of escalating into worse actions at such functions or even on to the streets. Take a moment or two today and just think about what has been shared here. DAHL HOUSE…ONE DOLL’S POINT OF VIEW A Commentary by BarbieDahl There has been a slight delay in my plans for world domination. I know that I promised everyone that TieDomi and I were going to take over the world, in my last column…but there’s been a few set-backs. One: TieDomi died. Yeah, I know…a minor problem…but hey…I can overcome this small issue. Two: TieDomiIII and I seem to be having some disagreements on who should be running this operation. He thinks I should, I think he should. While the rest of the world is fighting over who should be in control, the head honcho, the boss, the Brains of the outfit…TieDomiIII and I are fighting to be the idiot sidekick. Go figure. Now, I don’t mind being in charge here, but I do so like saying “NARF” and “ZORT”. So it only makes sense that Tie should be the leader. Right??? Ok, so we all agree now. My final thought…pants with horizontal stripes make me look chubby…POIT!!! 'WORST WEEK OF THE WEEK AWARD ' This is the latest competition brought to you by the Gazette. All readers are invited to share their tales of woe over the last week with the Worst Week award going to the tale of the most misfortune. A prize of $50,000 will be awarded to each week’s winner, with two runners-up being awarded $25,000 each. The top three will be printed in the Gazette. The Rules: All tales of woe must be accurate an honest. No fictitious happenings. All entries must be submitted to the Gazette to be judged. Once the winners have been announced, a new contest starts. Good luck to all the entrants. Get your tales of woe in now to win the first Worst Week Of The Week Award, Awarded Weekly On A Week By Week Basis! 'NEW COLUMN: DEAR VANITY ' Hey Buddy! Yes, I’m talking to you. Have you ever found yourself in a situation with you boss that you didn’t know how to handle? Have you ever stumbled across something so shocking you didn’t know what to do with it? Are you looking for new ways to approach that “special someone” you’ve been admiring from afar? Now there’s a solution! Introducing DEAR VANITY The Mafia Gazette proudly presents personal advice from society hostess Vanity Flair. Anyone needing guidance on any troubling issue can send their questions to Vanity@mafia org. Confidentiality assured on items of personal nature. 'LETTERS PAGE ' Dearest Gits, Thank you all for your well wishes despite my long vacation from the streets. I am relaxing and chilling, and enjoying relief that only morphine can give. My beard is growing in nicely. Sincerely, Graceless 02:47, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:47, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:47, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:47, February 15, 2013 (UTC) Dear Carmela, Oh yes I am back. My little rant for today is something that I hold near and dear to my heart... So let’s have at it shall we? What the hell is up with Civilians thinking that they can control anything they want? Hey, we let you speak on the streets. But if you have no money and no way to pull your weight around here other than a few empty threats then maybe you should shut the hell up! Gah! Another thing, what is up with the lack of ANYTHING in our streets? It’s the same bullshit day in and day out. It’s enough to make a girl want to stay inside her house and play hide a go seek with her goldfish. Seriously folks, the streets are there for entertainment, now some of you better start being entertaining or I'm going to make Tie do it. And lord knows no one wants that. There, my rant(s). I'm gone. I think my goldfish is hiding in my toothbrush holder and you know how much fish hate not being in water... I love you all, honestly. Cooter J. Poo 02:47, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:47, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:47, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:47, February 15, 2013 (UTC) The New Commission A Concerned Member of Society While chatting with CarmelaDeAngelis a few weeks ago, we came up with an idea. Why not bring The Commission back, with a few changes. This is what we came up with. One group working together for the betterment of the entire community. Everyone is welcome to participate. From Citizen to Capo, Thugs and random whackers, no one will be left out. Old school, new school, high school drop-outs, everyone is welcome. It will be one big brainstorming assembly. No power, real or implied. No one shall force their will on anyone else. Just a group of concerned people coming together to share their thoughts and ideas on how to make this a better place. No hired guns to act as Enforcers. There will be no need for hit men in the New Commission. Families will take care of their own members. Any plans for change by The Commission will not be implemented by brute force. No advisors. Everyone is equal, so there is no cause for resentment. No secret meeting for just a select few. Everyone will be invited to any and all conferences. Public notices will be announced for those not able to attend. I thought it might be a good idea if CarmelaDeAngelis was the organizer of The New Commission, as she is a well respected and long standing member of the community. Plus the original Commission was her idea. So it only seems right that she should nurture The New Commission. Thank you for listening. *Note From The Editor: If anyone has any comments on this letter, please send any correspondence to CarmelaDeAngelis at the Gazette Offices in Chicago* 'OBITUARY ' The Life and Times of Connie_Corleone Los Angeles - Constantia Corleone, died on Monday December 12th from a gunshot wound inflicted by local police who claim that she was resisting arrest efforts. She was born on September 29th in Corleone, Sicily the daughter of Don Merc and Mrs. Merc. Connie attended school both here and abroad managing to gain degrees in business and management from Wellesley College and Oxford. Early on, she worked in many of the business owned by her father and his associates helping to handle different business matters as well as learning from those in charge. Most recently, she had started to gain business and works forces of her own. Her volunteer work spread all over the world. Her most favorite programs were the ones she started to help children. She spent a great deal of time working with the children, helping the income challenged, and chatting with people on the street in hopes of educating and encouraging everyone she met. She is survived by her father Don Merc, her mother Mrs Merc both of Las Vegas; her sisters Sarafina and Rosalie, both of Las Vegas; her twin sister Constanzia most recently of Corleone, Sicily; her paternal aunt Furiouz and her uncle Underboss. The Family is asking for all stories and information about Constantia and her life so that all facets of her life can be shared during the mass to be said on Thursday, December 15th. She will be interred in the Family mausoleum in Nevada. 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Anyone wishing to place an ad should send it in to CarmelaDeAngelis at the Gazette Offices in Chicago. All ads are free, but must still fall within the set guidelines. 02:47, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:47, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:47, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:47, February 15, 2013 (UTC) Need some extra cash? Then look here! The *HappyClicked Bookies* Are now open! Where taking bets for football matches in the premiership, We are only taking in: Final Score and First Goalscorer Any amount up to 100k Please MM Click or Happy_Clownz for odds and information, for upcoming matches. thxs HC 02:47, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:47, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:47, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:47, February 15, 2013 (UTC) HORSES FOR SALE Angry Mustang $500,000 Prince Emerald $750,000 Eternal Candy $500,000 Contact: Necro 'Anyone wishing to submit articles should do so by 10am Mafia time on the day of publications. Articles will be paid for on an individual basis. Please contact CarmelaDeAngelis, Editor of The Mafia Gazette, at the Gazette Offices, Chicago. All articles must conform to the guidelines available in the booklet “Newspaper Recruiting” available on the newsstand and will be paid for. Normal articles will receive $5,000 and outstanding items will receive $10,000. '